


I Of The Storm

by knightswatch



Category: Free!
Genre: Depression, M/M, Pining, Post!ES, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-10 23:09:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4411481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightswatch/pseuds/knightswatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's strange how seeing Ai for thirty seconds on a totally random Tuesday makes him feel totally off-kilter for a week. He calls Rin finally and they don't argue, but he doesn't bring up the encounter either. He isn't sure why, just that he knows he doesn't really want to hear what Rin has to say, wants to keep it all to himself for a little while.</p><p>He doesn't text Ai either, and he stops walking home through the park. He's so used to the yawning void in the pit of his stomach that when he can suddenly feel it again it's a shock. Like the pain in his shoulder, he only notices it when it gets worse. It grows until his whole life starts to feel empty, the barren walls of his single apartment threatening to close in on him every day when he goes home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I was trying to just... write a drabble... about sad kisses...

When it happens, Sousuke isn't at all ready. Objectively, maybe he should have been expecting it; bad things always come in waves and after his most recent blowout with Rin he should have been watching for the other shoe to drop. Only this-- seeing Ai sitting on a bench in the park, feet tucked under him as he bent over a notebook in his lap, dark-framed glasses sliding down his tiny nose, headphones in his ears thrumming music loud enough Sousuke could hear it walking by, it wasn't the textbook definition of bad.

But he'd been too distracted, wondering if he should give in and just call Rin. It'd been two weeks since Rin had been frowning at him from the other side of the world on his shitty webcam in his nice apartment. “I just wanna see you _be something_ again, y know?”

There was more than one answer in Sousuke's head to that at the time; that he couldn't because he didn't know how anymore, that it hadn't been something that Rin wanted before he simply walked away again, instead he'd shrugged his shoulders and pushed his hand through his hair and told Rin to fuck off just as coldly as he could manage. They always bounced back from these fights, and Sousuke's thumb is hovering over the call button of his phone when the tiny voice to his right chirps up with, “Sousuke-senpai?”

He turns, like the idiot that he truly is, looking down at Ai smiling so wide at him that his cheeks covered his eyes a little, pulling the headphones out and hesitating like he's not sure if he wants to shift everything and leap up into a hug or not. Sousuke's glad that he doesn't and he grunts in a way that's supposed to be a greeting but isn't really. Ai doesn't seem bothered, tilting his head. “What are you doing here?”

It's painfully obvious, of course. Ai has a textbook open to his right and a notebook in his lap, there's a messenger bag in a pile at his feet and the only thing that would make him look more like a student is some kind of college name printed on his sweater rather than a strange robotic cat. Ai shrugs his shoulders and giggles softly. “I decided to come outside to study since it was a nice day. Are you visiting?”

“Ah, no,” Sousuke shrugs, shifting his weight between his feet slightly. He has to remind himself that there's nothing wrong with his life, that he can talk about it without his chest lighting up in a way that feels uncomfortably like shame. “I work not far from here.”

“Oh!” For some reason, that makes Ai brighten and he reaches to the bottom of his notes, tearing the page sloppily, scribbling on it before handing it over. There's a tiny duck drawn in the corner with a speech bubble that says 'text Aiichirou!' pointing away from his beak, followed by a number. It almost makes Sousuke laugh, both the duck and the fact that he's never actually heard anyone call the kid by his full name. He smiles when Sousuke takes it from his tiny hand, cocking his head to the side. “We should get together!”

Sousuke should say no. He has reasons lined up somewhere in the back of his head; he's too busy, they have nothing to talk about really, he hates being reminded that he's a failure by seeing all these people he knows that aren't. Instead he nods dumbly, wondering why that smile can still make his head feel like it's full of static, can make him agree to things that he would never do for someone else; like cutting into his sleep schedule to coach someone's swimming, like agreeing to 'go out' even though he hates even the idea.

He doesn't offer his number in return, it hasn't changed since high school anyway, instead he waves jerkily and half-stumbles on his way, tucking the little paper into the pocket of his pants only after he notices it's some kind of pastel green. It strikes him oddly that Ai would even want to spend time with him. It wasn't just a courtesy offer, he could have easily just pretended not to see Sousuke at all and kept studying. He finds that it still annoys him just as much that he doesn't understand Ai at all.

* * *

It's strange how seeing Ai for thirty seconds on a totally random Tuesday makes him feel totally off-kilter for a week. He calls Rin finally and they don't argue, but he doesn't bring up the encounter either. He isn't sure why, just that he knows he doesn't really want to hear what Rin has to say, wants to keep it all to himself for a little while.

He doesn't text Ai either, and he stops walking home through the park. He's so used to the yawning void in the pit of his stomach that when he can suddenly feel it again it's a shock. Like the pain in his shoulder, he only notices it when it gets worse. It grows until his whole life starts to feel empty, the barren walls of his single apartment threatening to close in on him every day when he goes home.

Maybe it's the fact that seeing Ai makes him remember what it was like to be eighteen and have almost everything for one shining moment. Maybe it's because Ai himself made moments shine and now Sousuke can't stop remembering it. It frustrates him, it did then too. He could never quite pick Ai apart; how someone so light and pure could stand up to Rin for a whole year and come out on the other side with his respect. He thought, at the time, that was why he agreed to coach Ai. He just wanted to understand him; he slowly learned to pick the real smiles from the fake ones, that he got bullied whenever he wasn't with the team but never seemed to talk about it, he was probably hopelessly in love with Rin and seemed painfully aware of it.

He hates his life more after Ai pops up, keeps glancing out of the corner of his eye for him. He's not sure if he actually wants to see him or not, still doesn't text him. He feels like an idiot like he's trying to grab hold of the reflection of the moon.

* * *

 

He realizes it fully and abruptly the first time he wakes up from a dream with the taste of Ai's name still in his mouth and a hard on in his boxers that absolutely refuses to be ignored. He glares at the lump it makes in his blue sheets like somehow he can make his boner understand what a problem it's causing before he gives in and wraps a hand around himself.

He's not particularly trying to imagine anything; not filling up his head with imaginings of pale skin with bruises bitten into it or skinny legs and tiny hips, a body so small that even with his arm as fucked as it is he could easily lift it against the wall and stay there. He groans, biting on his hand to try and stop himself. He doesn't want to stick Ai's face into his pathetic fantasies like a peeling label but he does it anyway.

It maybe feels better until he finishes, laying in bed with a mess painted over his hand and stomach, staring at the ceiling and feeling like some other part of him leeched away in the process. He cleans himself up with a dirty shirt from the floor, disturbing a small pile of laundry when he does. There's a rustle as Ai's number falls out of the pocket of his pants and Sousuke lays on his side glaring at the little green piece of paper until he falls asleep. He's probably not really in love with the kid, it's just something that's creeping from the background of his thoughts slowly.

He thinks that he could maybe do something about it, something that isn't just plugging on with a life that he can barely stand living. He's started to hate the feeling of wanting things, not because he's repelled by the idea of putting in the effort but because he's so bone tired of being disappointed by the world. He thinks harder about disappointment, calls Rin, calls his parents, doesn't talk about either to Ai.

What could he say at this point? It's been weeks, sending him a message now would just look idiotic. Sousuke moves to spending his Friday evenings in a bar, picking his way through liquors that he never drank when he was younger because he was too focused on taking care of his body. It makes him laugh, even if it's colored dark by self-loathing. He learns after a few weeks that the taste of whiskey doesn't make him want to gag and starts drinking it until his world goes fuzzy, easy, he spends a few hours every Friday forgetting.

* * *

He wakes up hard from dreams that he can't remember like he's sixteen again and still dreaming that somehow he and Rin will suddenly click into place and be perfect pieces to complete a puzzle. Only, he's pretty sure that he's not dreaming of Rin anymore. More often than not he rolls out of bed and takes the coldest shower that he can put his body through, tumbling back into bed shivering with his hair still wet and dripping on the pillow.

It wouldn't be too much trouble to take care of them the normal way, but he wants to avoid the guilt that gnaws in his stomach every time Ai invades one of his fantasies. It's worse when he questions himself on why he can't just try to have something with the kid. He's tough enough to stand up to the full battery of all the grief and pain that Rin had to offer.

Sousuke had thanked him for it, once, awkwardly. It wasn't hard to see that Ai had glued himself to Rin's side for the year, drawing his heart back out bit by bit, only to be forgotten when the final piece fell into place. Sousuke, as he's learning all over again, is shit at forgetting. Ai had welled up with tears and gripped onto his jacket and sobbed, not seeming put out at all when all Sousuke could do was awkwardly rub his back and try to think of ways to escape. At the time he had thought it was just Rin, but now he wonders if Ai just wanted someone to recognize him for doing something. For doing anything at all. Sousuke thinks he might understand that even more than he does sobbing into a teammate's chest about a boy you're too in love with.

His mom suggests that he get a dog; someone who depends on him that he can come home to. His dad laughs and says that's what finding a wife is for. Sousuke just hums and says he'll think about it, goes out to the bar when he shouldn't and takes home some faceless guy for the night instead. It doesn't make him feel better and in the end he's so hazy with alcohol that he doesn't even remember it well. It's half a rebellion, even if he's never even tried to tell them that he doesn't want a wife to begin with.

* * *

Rin doesn't even ask if he's busy or if he has time before calling him on skype. He would be mad about it but he does have time, and he isn't busy, he doesn't bother getting up to put on a shirt before hitting accept, watching Rin's face blink to life in the video window. It still looks shitty, because for some reason Sousuke doesn't understand he can't buy a decent camera even though he uses it all the damn time. He's mostly a blob of light but Sousuke can still see when his face lifts into a grin, eyes crinkling.

“Couldn't even get dressed for me?” He laughs and Sousuke lifts his shoulders in a shrug. He's caught between wishing he could see Rin better or couldn't see him at all. He must make a face with the thought because Rin stops laughing and leans forward to stare at the screen which makes his face less overexposed, primarily because the only thing on the screen anymore is his eyes. “You look like shit.”

“It's 11:30 on a Saturday, Rin. I have a hangover,” he grumbles. It's not a bad one though; just a dim pounding in his head and a taste in his mouth that's apparently immune to toothpaste. Rin rolls his eyes, leaning back now and leaving himself too far away from the camera. He's mostly chest in a worn black tank top and a flash of chin and teeth when he talks.

“Don't be pathetic, if you do it's your own fault,” he snaps and Sousuke grins at the screen a little, wondering how long it'll take for him to realize he isn't in the frame. It's the best part of these calls, watching Rin struggle with technology trying to keep up with his animated manner of speaking. “Whatever. I didn't call to berate you over your terrible habits.”

“So you do have a reason?” He hums, entertained. Rin must finally notice that Sousuke can't actually see his face because he starts shuffling to try and get back into view, not that he was going to hear a complaint about showing off his muscles from Sousuke.

“Yes!” He nearly shouts and Sousuke isn't sure if that's an answer to him or to Rin finally finding an angle that isn't utterly terrible. Apparently the first, because Rin continues speaking. “Ai thinks you're pissed at him and I guess it's not just because of your face this time.”

“What's wrong with my face?” He grumbles, avoiding the actual point. He didn't even know that the two of them still talked, not that he had ever asked or indicated any kind of interest. Rin sighs, either missing that he's avoiding the subject or just plain not caring.

“Just tell me what you fucked up so I can help you fix it,” he rolls his eyes and Sousuke laughs at that, hard, straight from his stomach. Partially because the answer to that question is 'everything' and partially the idea of Rin actually helping to fix a problem. Rin scowls, looking like he wants to hit the screen and see if it will hurt Sousuke at all.

“Oi! Asshole, quit laughing like that,” he growls, gripping his hands uselessly in the air. “I'm serious!”

“That's exactly why it's so funny,” he answers, faking wiping tears from his eyes. Rin huffs. “I didn't do anything to him. I only ran into him once like a month ago.”

“Yeah, he said he gave you his number,” Rin raises an eyebrow, obviously trying to ask why Sousuke didn't call the kid. He figures that doesn't need an answer, since it isn't any of Rin's business anyways. He shrugs.

“Think I lost it. You trying to set me up or something?” He raises an eyebrow, blinking when Rin suddenly goes shy, leaning back and rubbing at his neck when he shakes his head.

“I mean, that's not a bad idea but no. I actually was hoping you could check on him for me,” he keeps rubbing, plucking the hairs at his neck, avoiding looking at the actual screen. It's not the answer that Sousuke expects; he'd been waiting on the suggestion that he use Ai for whatever kind of crazy therapeutic effect he seems to have on Rin.

“Why does he need to be checked on?” His brow knits together slowly, furrowing in the center. Rin glances up at the camera and waves his hand vaguely, sighing.

“He's staying at home over the break, so I just get worried,” he seems a little deflated by the prospect and Sousuke raises an eyebrow, blinking. Rin's not one to actually admit to being worried, even when there's something important on the line. Either he's actually grown up or it's one of those things that's eaten him from the inside out until he's forced to let it go. Rin stares at him like he's missing something painfully obvious, voice going soft as he says, “Oh shit, you don't know.”

“Know what?” His face scrunches further in confusion and Rin spends another moment blinking at him like he's trying to readjust his entirely world view around whatever fact Sousuke's missed.

“His parents are,” he stops, the words seeming to get stuck in his throat. “They're bad.”

He looks like he knows it's a lame finish, shakes his head and shifts his hands off of his knees, pushing hair away from his face even though most of it is in that kinda sad ponytail that he likes. “It took awhile to figure out even after I got my head outta my ass.”

Sousuke doesn't answer, this time because he's starting to form an image in his head, sorting through memories. Ai laughing his way nervously through a conversation about broken bones, always knowing what to say to calm down an angry Rin even when Sousuke was at a loss, laughing weakly when Sousuke asked him about bullies and saying it wasn't more than he could handle, Ai sobbing into his jacket days before their break before Nationals and coming back small and quiet. His only answer is, “Oh.”

“Just-- give him a call or something, he needs a chance to get outta the house,” Rin shrugs, looking remarkably sad and not entirely in the frame. Sousuke digs the paper off his nightstand with the call still open, looking at the small duck telling him 'text Aiichirou!' before finally listening to it. Rin doesn't give him a victory cheer, just smiles all soft and pleased. Somehow that's worse.

* * *

He feels stupid for being nervous about meeting Ai in a shitty college bar a few days later, walking in with a twitch in his fingers. He frowns when he looks around and doesn't see a flash of silver hair under the dim lights, considers grabbing a random seat or even ducking out like a coward. But he glances around again, hovering awkwardly by the door and sees Ai at the end of the bar, fingers wrapped around a drink and some guy leaning way too far into his space. Ai is frowning, turning his face away and leaning like he wants to escape. His eyes lift and he blinks when he sees Sousuke, hopping off the stool and walking over quickly, the guy and his bleach blond hair trailing just behind.

“You can't just fucking walk away Aiichirou,” he snaps and Sousuke is about to tell him to fuck off when Ai gives him the fakest smile he's ever seen, stepping so they're nearly pressed together, barely a breath between them.

“Sousuke-senpai!” He chirps, sugary sweet, bouncing onto his toes and sealing their lips together. His body reacts for him, before he has time to question it, cradling the back of Ai's head in one hand and letting the other rest on his hip to steady him. He's aware of the guy grumbling something about Ai being a 'fucking slut' but it's dim, mostly erased by the slide of Ai's fingers across his jaw. He feels fused to the moment like if he pulls away he'll rip a piece of himself out, drawn in by the almost tentative way Ai's tongue spills out to touch his lips despite the boldness he started with. Ai shifts backwards, Sousuke's hands lingering on him when he drops back to his feet rather than standing on his toes, cheeks bright red. Even stunned like he is Sousuke recognizes the nervous smile he gets, Ai glancing around him to find that the guy is apparently gone. “S-sorry! That was kind of, um--”

He seems at a loss until Sousuke just shrugs, because he really has no argument against that kind of greeting. He nods Ai back at his seat, breaking into a smile as he sits, apparently it's enough for Ai to relax a little. He glances at the bottle, the label starting to peel off from condensation, leans his elbows on the bar. “I didn't know you gave such friendly greetings.”

It startles a giggle out of Ai, making him roll his eyes and nod at the door, presumably in the direction that the guy disappeared in. “ _That_ was Kenji, who doesn't really understand the concept of being broken up.”

“Here I thought you were just excited to see me,” Sousuke flashes him a grin, Ai's delighted laugh making the blood shiver in his veins. Ai looks back at his drink, picking the corner of the label with one bitten nail, smearing it back on with the water that drips onto his fingers before looking up at Sousuke shyly from under his bangs.

“I am,” he grins as he says it and Sousuke wonders if he should kiss him again. He doesn't. Ai takes a long sip of his drink and Sousuke watches his throat bob. He expects to see something different about Ai now that he's looking for it. Like Sousuke knowing a little about his background will let him see cracks spider-webbing his body. He doesn't though, it's just Ai, same as he always was. He hates himself for being relieved by that fact.

“What're you studying?” He asks because he's not sure how much he wants to hear about subjects like Kenji, who's already mad an impression on him as a dick. He doesn't have anything to share about himself, not that Ai would actually want to hear.

“Mechanical Engineering,” Ai says without pause, then laughs when Sousuke's face descends into shock, shaking his head quickly and kicking his feet. “I'm kidding. I'm gonna be a vet.”

“That makes more sense,” he chuckles despite himself, because Ai has an aura that's nothing short of infectious. He orders himself the same kind of too-sweet beer that Ai is drinking; it tastes more like root beer than actual alcohol on the first sip and he winkles his nose, glancing over to find Ai staring at him with wide blue eyes, bottle pressed to his lower lip and his mouth scrunched thoughtfully.

“Rin-senpai asked you to do this,” he remarks, and it's not a question. He doesn't sound mad about it like Sousuke probably would be, just thoughtful. His feet kick again, the stool tall enough that his toes don't even reach the ground. He meets Sousuke's frown with a grin, shrugging his shoulders. “I'm not that surprised.”

He doesn't say if that's because of Rin or Sousuke, and he's not really sure if he wants to know which either. Instead he looks back at his drink, pulling his hand away from the damp surface to rub water into the bar with a hum. “He worries a lot.”

He's not sure what he means by it but Ai nods his head solemnly, looking up at the lit bottles on the back of the bar. They cast blue shadows over his face, pouring the color of his eyes onto his skin. “I used to go stay with him during breaks.”

Sousuke blinks softly at that, surprised. Maybe he shouldn't be, maybe he should still be leaving Rin room to surprise him with the things he's willing to quietly do for others. He nods his head slowly, rolling the bottle over his palm. There's a lull and he tries to think of what to say, thinks about kissing Ai again, tries his hardest not to think about it. Ai looks up at him, grin lighting over his face suddenly. “Lemme see your hand.”

He cocks an eyebrow before sliding his right one over, blinking when Ai lifts it off the bar and flips it, palm-up, leaning over with a hum. His fingers trace over Sousuke's skin, leaving it tingling behind the soft press of his fingers. He wants to grab Ai's hand and fit their fingers together but he leaves it still, watching closely as Ai studies his palm before looking up with a giggle. “I can't actually read anything from it. Nagisa can, but I think he makes most of it up.”

Ai doesn't let go of his wrist, tracing the skin of Sousuke's palm more idly, and humming to himself. Sousuke's heart has clawed its way into his throat and he relaxes his fingers slowly, letting Ai trace their shape as well. He wonders if Ai can feel the way his heart is racing through the grip on his arm, tries to keep his breath from wavering. He feels like he's expanding, too big for his skin, it's tight around his body and he's that much more aware of every small buzz of nerves that comes from Ai touching him.

He curls his fingers slowly, catching Ai's hand and glancing away when it makes him look up and grin. Like he's been waiting on Sousuke to take the chance, maybe. It doesn't feel like a risk at all because Ai's hand doesn't let go of his wrist until he's sure that Sousuke isn't pulling away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snapshots, like blinking his eyes quickly over and over and burning the impression of light behind his eyes. He opens them all the way to find Ai giving him a small frown, brows knit with concern, one hand propping his head up and the other still hooked around Sousuke's shoulders where he'd been stroking him. Sousuke grunts, frowning himself. “S'fine. What time is it?”
> 
> “Your alarm hasn't gone off yet,” Ai shrugs, shifting so he's laying flat again. Sousuke's face flushes, slowly pulling his arms away from the thin waist he has his arms wrapped around. His tongue still feels thick with sleep and when he shifts his legs he realizes he still has his pants on though Ai has taken over his shirt. He's trying to claw back through his memories to figure out just how bad this could be when Ai giggles softly, making his chest bounce a little against Sousuke's.

He wakes up slowly, mind fuzzy, fingers scratching at the back of his head without rhythm. He keeps his eyes closed, enjoying the moment before he catches up with himself before he remembers why he's laying in bed with a stranger rubbing his head. He hovers outside of reality for another moment until the fingers in his hair droop to slide down the back of his neck and he shivers from the slightly cold touch, shifting to try and find the placement of all his limbs.

“Oh,” the word comes out with a chuckle, the voice light as air. He realizes slowly that he's actually clinging his arms around them with his head on their chest. The hand pulls away from his neck and he realizes he's looking at his own shirt from the night before. “Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.”

And that's plenty for him to actually place the voice as Ai's before he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to prevent his mind from assaulting him with a series of memories. Snapshots, like blinking his eyes quickly over and over and burning the impression of light behind his eyes. He opens them all the way to find Ai giving him a small frown, brows knit with concern, one hand propping his head up and the other still hooked around Sousuke's shoulders where he'd been stroking him. Sousuke grunts, frowning himself. “S'fine. What time is it?”

“Your alarm hasn't gone off yet,” Ai shrugs, shifting so he's laying flat again. Sousuke's face flushes, slowly pulling his arms away from the thin waist he has his arms wrapped around. His tongue still feels thick with sleep and when he shifts his legs he realizes he still has his pants on though Ai has taken over his shirt. He's trying to claw back through his memories to figure out just how bad this could be when Ai giggles softly, making his chest bounce a little against Sousuke's. “I'm surprised I woke up with you in here at all. You were pretty set on sleeping on the couch.”

“Right,” he doesn't actually remember the conversation itself, but the soreness in his back and his shoulder certainly match up with sleeping on the couch for any amount of time. It wasn't particularly made for a frame as large as his and he always ends up crunched one way or another to try and fit. “Must've woke up and stumbled in, sorry.”

“I don't mind,” Ai giggles, shrugging and reaching his free arm over to the nightstand, lifting Sousuke's phone up and squinting to peer at the screen, humming. “You have like, another hour to sleep. I can give you your bed back if you want.”

Sousuke doesn't pause before shaking his head and settling it back in the middle of Ai's chest, closing his eyes slowly. Sleeping on his own couch almost certainly means he didn't spend the whole night having drunken sex with Ai that he can't remember, and he's not sure if he's really glad about that fact or not. Ai wiggles slightly, finding a comfortable spot probably, before returning to stroking his fingers through Sousuke's hair evenly. After a moment of hesitation he wraps his arms around Ai again, his body relaxing despite the bone-deep ache in his shoulder. Ai's voice vibrates from the center of his chest, more feeling against Sousuke's cheek than actual sound. “Thanks for letting me stay here for the night.”

The after-image impressions are starting to become clearer in Sousuke's head; which makes sense because neither of them actually drank that much, but he's slow to wake on the best of days. Ai hadn't wanted to go home, Sousuke had offered to just let him stay there for the night since he was still off of school. He'd seemed nervy about something, skating carefully around it but glancing again and again at the clock and when Sousuke had shrugged and told Ai to just come with him it was like he'd lifted a weight off. He woke up on the couch, sore and confused and simply tumbled back into bed where Ai was sleeping and apparently had wrapped them up in each other in his sleep. His face burns a little at the slow realization, resisting the urge to nuzzle himself further into trouble. 

Still, Ai pets the back of his head, fingers weaving in his thick hair and a small sound of contentment falls out of Sousuke's mouth before he can stop it, leaving him drifting somewhere between asleep and awake until hie alarm starts blaring strains of music meant to force him awake enough to get ready for work.

Ai clicks it off before he can even move towards it, instead giving his hair a slightly rougher rub and laughing quietly. “If you go shower I'll make you breakfast.”

“You don't have to do that,” Sousuke shakes his head, sitting up and being careful not to rest any weight on his arm. The muscle of it is already redder than usual and he doesn't want to count back all the things in his head he's done in the last few days that might have strained it. Ai shrugs, swinging his legs off the side and bouncing out of bed with energy apparently to spare. His pale legs are bare and there's a bruise high up on the outside of one of his thighs that Sousuke looks away from quickly. “Really, you don't.”

“I owe you at least one,” Ai smiles before wiggling into his too-tight jeans and leaving Sousuke's shirt on his shoulders. It hangs loose, the neckline sitting well below his collarbone, the hem below his ass. It's cute, cuter than it has any right to be. He bounds off without asking anything else, leaving Sousuke to drag himself far more reluctantly out of bed and trundle into the shower, scratching at his chest and shaking his head. He lets the hot water beat on his shoulder for an extra few minutes, doing the few physical therapy stretches that he can remember to try and alleviate some of the pain. 

It doesn't work really, but the fact that he steps out of the shower and his apartment smells like bacon that he doesn't even remember buying does. He digs out a fresh shirt, considering putting on his brace as he buttons it, giving his shoulders an extra roll. He decides against it in the end, walking out into the cramped kitchen with his mouth watering and tie in hand rather than around his neck. He'd rather not put it on before he actually has to, especially not with Ai here to giggle at him in his stiff office clothes.

Ai doesn't giggle, instead he looks up from the stove and flashes Sousuke a toothy smile, tilting his head and sliding several strips of bacon onto a plate that already has eggs on it. Sousuke stares at it a little blankly before sitting at the island that dominates most of the kitchen and taking it. Ai tilts his head, looking Sousuke over with a smile that doesn't feel mocking. "I could do rice instead if you want, I don't really know what you prefer."

"This is fine," he answers then cringes at how it comes out. He looks up, smiling at Ai in return with half a strip of bacon caught between his teeth, nodding his head for Ai to eat too. He might as well; Sousuke has a healthy appetite, but there's no way all of it is for him. Ai sits next to him with a shyer smile, color high on his cheeks. "It's really good, you didn't have to do so much."

"Mmm well I did steal your bed and ended up subjecting you to my cuddling, I figured it would make a good thanks," he giggles, his feet swinging slowly back and forth as he eats, humming to himself thoughtfully. "I should call Rei-kun and see if he has time to move today."

"Move?" Sousuke asks, blinking. It's none of his business, he chides himself, but at least Ai did bring it up and he'd rather hear about it than eat the food Ai cooked in perfect silence. Ai looks up and rubs his head, fork hovering between the plate and his mouth.

"Yeah, we were set to move into a new apartment at the end of the semester but the old tenants didn't want to leave before their lease was up, so he had to go back to Iwatobi for a few weeks and I had to stay with my parents," his tone stays light and annoyed all the way through and Sousuke wonders if Rin was just exaggerating the problem, or of Ai is an exceptionally good actor. He remembers the bruise bloomed on Ai's leg and frowns slightly. Ai seems to think he's frowning at what he said because he laughs. "It's not a huge deal, but now that we can finally move our stuff around I'd like to get it done."

"Do you need anyone to help?" He asks, resisting the urge to punch himself for it as soon as the words leave his mouth. Ai blinks up at him, looking just as surprised but nodding his head slowly before turning back to his food with a blush set over his cheeks.

"Y-yeah. That would be great if you have the time," he mumbles, having to stand to fish his phone out of his pocket and starting to text at a speed that Sousuke honestly finds a little alarming. He sets his phone down when he's finished, looking up with his lips stretched over a bright smile that Sousuke would really like to lean over and taste, nodding his head. "Thanks a lot, Sousuke-senpai."

It turns out that Rei does have time, but only in the afternoon, which leaves Sousuke calling out of work to help like he said he would despite Ai fretting with the hem of his shirt the whole time, looking at him with big, shy eyes when he hangs up the phone. "You didn't have to do that! We really could've managed, I don't want to bother you."

"I deserve the day off anyway," Sousuke shrugs, smiling a little and leaning back on the couch, cringing a little as it makes his shoulder complain. Ai doesn't seem to notice and he's glad for that, putting on a movie that he's fairly sure he'll fall asleep during anyway, looking down at Ai as he settles next to him. "Do you have to do any packing or anything?"

"I never unpacked," he chuckles, shrugging his shoulders and huffing slightly. "I've been living out of boxes for weeks."

"Okay," he answers, because he doesn't want to kick Ai out even if he's not sure how this should go. He's saved, at least for the moment, by his phone ringing with a call from Rin. He snatches it from the table and wanders back to his room to answer, frowning at himself. "Hey."

"Oh, there's an extra heap of grumpy! Did I catch you on the way to work?" Rin still struggles with working out the time difference, and he's called at strange hours before. Sousuke sighs, running his fingers through the back of his hair.

"Nah, I took a day off," he grumbles, glancing at the hallway and sighing hard. "What kind of stuff does Ai like to do?"

"W-what? Why? Are you taking him on a date?" Rin sounds far more excited by that idea than he should, Sousuke notes, before rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"No, he's just in my apartment and I don't want to bore him to death," he shakes his head, frowning harder at the small noise that Rin makes. "What?"

"Why is he at your place so early? Did you--" Rin cuts himself off, his voice dropping to a hiss. "Sousuke I swear if you're just sleeping with him I'm getting on a plane so I can come kill you."

"What happened to setting us up being a good idea?" He snaps in return, a little annoyed. He isn't really trying to sleep with the kid, he's just not opposed to the idea of it if it happens. Rin makes a sound between a snort and a snarl, sounding like an animal with a cold.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he growls and Sousuke waves a hand in the air, trying not to laugh.

"Okay, sure thing. I won't go bend him over the couch then, you still didn't answer my question," the indignant noise that Rin makes the image is gratifying to say the least, almost as much as the idea itself is.

"He likes scary movies, god knows why, and for whatever reason he really likes cooking," Rin answers thoughtfully, laughing a little to himself. "Are you sure you're not coming up with ideas for a date, though?"

"It's not a date, asshole," Sousuke sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Scary movies are no trouble to him, at least. "I'm helping him move later and it doesn't make sense to send him home in the meantime."

"Why is he even there now!" Rin demands, sounding more and more annoyed by the whole thing, Sousuke rolls his eyes.

"He didn't wanna go home last night, I let him use my bed instead," he doesn't mention the part where he stumbled in there too and slept apparently with Ai hugging him all night. He doesn't want to relive just how much he enjoyed that wake-up. He does recall something else that grabs his interest, however. "Who is Kenji?"

"Oh," Rin's voice goes flat in a way that Sousuke recognizes as the calm before a storm with him. "Ai dated him for awhile. He's not the worlds nicest guy. Did Ai mention him?"

There's a barb in there that fits with the image he has of the guy with his bleached hair and heavy eyebrows and Sousuke shrugs. "Something like that, yeah. I was just wondering."

"Something like what?" Rin demands, never one to give up at the scent of blood in the water. Sousuke rolls his eyes.

"He was around when I went to meet Ai last night," he debates mentioning the kiss then decides against it. He's not sure why, maybe just to keep the image all to himself, the feeling of Ai pressed soft against him, tracing thumbs over his jaw, Sousuke rips himself out of the image. "Seemed like a dick."

"Pretty much. I met him last time I came to visit," Rin growls and Sousuke braces for the flash of anger that comes next. "Fucker tried to tell me that Ai was his, and I should make sure I didn't have any ideas about him."

Sousuke actually cringes at the thought, remembering the last time he went out for a drink with both Matsuoka siblings and the trail of broken bones that followed after. Ai seemed to rile the same protective urge in Rin that Gou did, and he felt entirely bad for anyone who got caught in the cross-fire. “And you let him live?”

“Unlike Gou, Ai has terrible taste in relationships,” Rin sighs, and Sousuke can picture the lamenting shake of his head perfectly. “If I killed all of them they would probably eventually catch me.”

Sousuke chuckles at that, shaking his head and smiling despite himself. “Fine. I'll go subject us both to scary movies. Is that all you were calling to be nosy about?”

“Your mom sent me a message saying to talk to you about dogs?” It comes out as a question and Sousuke tries his hardest not to groan, covering his eyes with one hand.

“Yeah, leaving that one for later,” he grumbles, shaking his head. “I promise if I wind up having casual sex with Ai I'll at least do my best at it.”

He grins, hanging up with Rin still choking on air. He's still too easy to pick on sometimes and Sousuke walks back out with a roll of his eyes, hesitating in the hall to stare at Ai's profile. He's watching the TV without looking particularly invested in the program, instead taking occasional glances around the living room instead. It's not very decorated; there's photo's of Sousuke and Rin from when they were kids, along with the single picture that he kept of the four of them after their race at nationals, others are mostly of his parents.

They mostly hang along one wall in a composition entirely decided by Gou when she got fed up of them being scattered and crooked around the room. It looks nice that way, at least, and it's not like Sousuke has any interior design instinct to use for rearranging them. He walks the rest of the way out before Ai catches him staring, dropping into his seat again with a lopsided grin. “Rin wanted to make sure I wasn't being mean to you.”

Ai giggles at that, rolling his eyes and flopping over after Sousuke sits, his head resting on Sousuke's thigh, sighing dramatically. “He checks in too much.”

Sousuke tries not to tense when Ai lays on him but apparently fails because Ai looks back at him with big eyes and his lip between his teeth, starting to sit up and shake his head. “S-sorry! I'm a little... touchy.”

“It's fine,” Sousuke grumbles after a moment, flipping through channels and trying to ignore the sting of regret he feels when Ai stays sitting up instead. He manages to find something that might be scary if it wasn't so ridiculous and badly shot. They spend most of the movie cracking jokes as the American teens on screen ingest too many probably-toxic mushrooms and get picked off one by one. Ai doesn't bother to reach for the remote to turn it down when he answers his phone as the final twist plays out, still giggling.

“H-hello?” His voice is soft, uncertain, and his teeth dig into his lip. He pauses, throat bobbing around a swallow and anxiety tightening his face in a way that's almost painful to watch. “N-no, Mom-- I stayed over at a friend's--”

He pauses again, several hesitant sounds falling out of his mouth like they want to form words but can't make it all the way there. His fingers clench around the fabric of his pants then quickly release, a quiver in the tips. “J-just, from Samezuka. He was on my relay team.”

He raises his hand to press against his temples, seeming unaware of Sousuke's eyes tracking the movement, closing his eyes and frowning. “R-Rei-kun is supposed to be back today so I was going to--”

He shuts his mouth so sharply that his teeth click together, opening his eyes again and looking downward at his knees, his gaze tugging the corners of his mouth with it. “I have some help so I can just do it all today.”

“O-oh,” he pauses, arm wrapping around his side without seeming to notice the motion himself. “O-of course. Yes. I'll be home soon then.”

He sighs after he hangs up after a little more listening, rubbing his palm over his forehead with a little groan. Sousuke hesitates, feeling like he's seeing something that he's not supposed to, rubbing the back of his neck. “Is, uh, everything okay?”

Ai drops his hand with a little jump, cheeks flushing as he nods quickly. “Y-yeah! S-she just needs me to come home. It's fine.”

His smile is bright in an unreal sense and Sousuke frowns in return. He has no right to expect anything else from Ai, but he can see through it well enough for it to be annoying. Ai stands up, flapping his hand in the air and trialing back to Sousuke's room, still talking. “They always lock the house after my curfew so they knew I didn't come home last night.”

Sousuke wants to ask what university student has a curfew, and also what the point of locking him out is, but he bites the questions to the back of his mouth, instead standing and following after Ai, shaking his head. He's not expecting him to be standing in the middle of the room, pulling his own shirt back on, and he blushes slightly at the sudden view of Ai's skin taut and pale over his muscles. At first he's distracted by the delicate shift and pull of his back, how obvious it is that he still swims just from his build.

He stops noticing when his eyes fall on the roughly oval shaped bruise at the dip of his spine, yellowing at the edges but deepening to black in the middle over his spine. Something boiling and unfamiliar opens up in the middle of his stomach and Ai pulls his shirt on before looking back with a frown.

“It looks worse than it is,” his tone is almost a question at the end and Sousuke isn't sure what to say. Instead, he frowns, sighing out slowly and turning his face away, flicking his eyes up to the top of the door frame before looking back at Ai. He doesn't want to be the same as Rin with all of his boundless worrying; if he's saying it's okay it probably is, but it's much harder to let go when it's staring him in the face. The pause draws out and he considers the time he spent training Ai, shaking his head.

“If you need me then tell me,” is what he settles on, grumbling it out and rubbing the back of his neck. Ai looks happier than he expects, apparently glad he's not going to be bombarded with Sousuke's questions. He's not sure what he would ask if Ai was open to it. Ai adjusts his shirt slightly before leaning up and wrapping his arms around Sousuke's chest, soft strands of hair tickling the bottom of his chin. Sousuke hesitates, his hand resting at the center of his back, so large in comparison that it takes up all of the space between his shoulders. He wonders if this is normal for Ai, who isn't even blushing when he drops back to his feet. Sousuke can't stop thinking about kissing him again and his face goes even redder.

“Thanks for the sleepover-- I had fun,” he giggles and there's a twinkle in is eyes that Sousuke relishes. It seems like seconds before Ai is out the door, leaving Sousuke to waste the day off by himself.

It's less than a day before Ai starts texting him. The messages are short and full of elaborate emoji faces that he sometimes has to look up the meanings for. He starts by asking how the movie ended, complaining about being bored at home, suggesting that they should go out again soon. Usually, this kind of electronic small talk annoys Sousuke, but every time his phone signals a message from Ai by vibrating loudly he smiles a little.

'good morning Senpai! Have a great day (=^-ω-^=)' is what he wakes up to when he turns his alarm off and he grins a little, shaking his head and staring at it before rolling himself out of bed. He can't actually remember the last time he smiled his way through a shower, even if he only gives Ai a simple 'you too' in response. 

He catches himself almost smiling as he walks into work, thoroughly terrifying the poor girl at the front desk who definitely hasn't seen him do that once in the six months he's been working in the too-cramped office doing data entry that makes him wish he were dead some days. He ends Ai a few more text messages as the day starts to wear on him, wondering idly if he's made any headway on the front of moving but not quite getting around to asking. Ai brings it up on his own as Sousuke is making his way home, going back to winding his way through the park to enjoy the warm weather.

'rei-kun already moved all his stuff with nagisa-kun!! so productive (° o°)!' Sousuke spends a moment blinking at the face before shaking his head, not even feeling as tempted to roll his eyes as before.

'do u still need help with all that??' He rubs his fingers through the back of his hair, wondering what kind of answer he's hoping for. Helping anyone move is a chore, at best, and it would probably be easier just to do something direct like asking Ai to go out to dinner with him, but his mind deems this much safer, especially when he gets an answer that's mostly exclamation points and yes's, and a request to borrow him on Saturday afternoon, with the promise of food after. Moving probably can't be that bad, especially since they all know about his fucked shoulder and probably won't ask him to move anything too heavy.

Yeah, that's the whole reason he's looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still kinda figuring out what this fic is about--bear with me, friends!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke doesn't comment on where it hurts and Ai doesn't apologize when a press of his thumb or scrape of blunt nails on his skin makes Sousuke cringe. They're both quiet until Sousuke's muscle seems to unwind all at once; it still hurts, but with the dull pressure he's more used to rather than the pain that tries to eat its way down to his core. Ai leans back and cocks his head, smiling. "Better?"
> 
> "Yeah," he agrees, rolling it and making no effort to pull his shirt on right away. The air conditioner is ancient and its moderately cooler without the fabric sticking to his skin. Instead he nods at Ai, pushing fingers back through his own hair. "What's wrong with you?"
> 
> "Ah," Ai frowns, moving to press his fingers at his side and cringing before they even make it to actually touching. He lifts the hem of his shirt and there's a mottling of bruises along the curve of his side-- blotchy and dark. Sousuke's stomach clenches in on itself and he stares dumbly until Ai lets the fabric drop with a weak shrug.

Saturday dawns bright and hot with Sousuke having to finally cave and put the brace on his shoulder because the ache in it has only gotten worse as the week wore on. He frowns at the darkened skin stretched over the muscle before covering it with the brace followed by a band t-shirt that he's actually pulled out of the dryer rather than the pile of nebulously clean laundry that's lived at the foot of the dresser for so long it should be paying rent.

There's a good morning message from Ai on his phone, the same as there has been every day that week like he's opened a pandora's box of positive encouragement. He's still trying to find it in himself to mind at least a little bit, but can't help smiling when his phone buzzes again with an address and an indecipherable emoji. It's slightly further away than Sousuke expects and he pockets his phone alongside his keys after twisting the lock closed behind him, walking to the station and grabbing himself coffee from a vending machine, grimacing at the rasp of velcro under his shirt from the brace. He can't exactly deny that it does make his shoulder feel better, at least a little, though having to wear it out makes him feel exposed-- obvious, like everyone can see his fuck ups laid bare.

He ends up standing with the Saturday crowd pressed around him, teeth grit in a tight line as he's stuck with his right arm raised over his head, gripping the bar with white knuckles and trying to ignore the bite of fabric and the ache that comes with it. He steps off as quickly as he can, flexing his fingers rather than reaching to grip it. It won't help-- never does. He misses the right street twice and has to keep doubling back through the small neighborhood with mothers pausing to stare at him as he does his best impression of a friendly smile. He's sure he's on the wrong street again, grumbling curses again when Ai pipes up.

"Ah, Sousuke-senpai!" His voice is louder than expected, calling from the other side of the street, standing with Rei and Nagisa on either side of him and setting a box down to wave his arm as Sousuke looks up, startled. His face melts into a warm smile, wearing his glasses again. Sousuke decides to himself that he likes them, probably because the dark frames make him look dorkier than usual and in the end it's cute. He bobs his head in a nod, crossing the narrow street in long strides, mouth tipped up into a smile. "You didn't get lost, did you?"

"Of course not," he grumbles, not missing the cheeky glitter in Ai's gaze. Rei gives him a tight, uncomfortable sort of nod and Nagisa is bouncing from foot to foot with excitement, practically radiating exuberance like nuclear energy. "Sorry, I'm late."

He glances at Ai with a slightly warmer smile and he can't fail to notice just how tired he looks, eyes rimmed pink with dark circles under them, almost masked by the shadows the frames of his glasses cast. Sousuke wonders if it's normal, no one seems to be paying any attention to it and rather than offering a comment he simply leans over and picks up the box Ai had been holding, glad when it isn't too heavy for his shoulder. Some piece of his relief must show on his face because Ai giggles, nodding at a car parked a few feet up the street, haphazardly, smiling. "Don't worry-- we enlisted Tachibana-kun for the heavy stuff."

Sousuke does his best not to frown, because he actually likes Makoto and it's been weeks since they last ran into each other on coinciding workout schedules, but he feels redundant, out of place, especially because Ai knows there's a hard limit to his ability to be useful. He feels stupid for having offered in the first place when it's obvious Ai has more than enough friends to help him already. He misses whatever Nagisa is saying to Ai amidst his spiral and blinks in surprise when Nagisa goes sprinting past him down the sidewalk, little more than a blur of blond hair and laughter, Ai following with his cheeks puffed in a pout.

Rei opens his mouth like he's going to say something then just sighs out slowly, shaking his head and trying to shift his glasses and balance the box he's holding at the same time, looking up at Sousuke with a smile. "It's very nice to see you again, Yamazaki-san!"

Sousuke eases into a smile, nodding and pausing to scoop up the box that Nagisa left behind as well, humming in agreement, glad he's more focused on watching Ai chase Nagisa around the car than the cringe crossing his face at the extra weight. He ignores the pain, swallows it back to the pit of his stomach. If he's here he might as well be useful. "I wouldn't have picked you and Ai for living together."

He's glad Rei laughs at the comment rather than taking any offense to it, shaking his head. "Our habits and study schedules line up very well, it was a satisfactory arrangement last year as well."

"I just figured the blond terror would've dragged you into playing house already," Sousuke grins at the way Rei's face instantly heats up at that, staring at Nagisa's back and seeming glad that he's no longer trying to escape Ai's wrath. Sousuke isn't sure he'd want to be on the receiving end of it either-- anyone who could actually tame the force of nature that Momo used to be had to be scarier than Ai seemed usually. Makoto pulls his head out of arranging the boxes in the trunk with a delicate sigh, face brightening into its usual smile when he sees Sousuke.

He gives Makoto a nod and an easy wave in return, jamming the boxes into the trunk alongside everything else, surprised by just how much stuff Ai has. Makoto gives the Tetris arrangement of boxes a frown, letting it ease as he looks back at Ai.

"Is that everything? You said we might need two trips," he looks relieved when Ai glances back and nods his head, sighing softly. Nagisa already skips past them, loudly insisting that he'll have to sit in Rei's lap.

Upon Rei calmly explaining that he won't have to (on top of it being dangerous and illegal), he insists on shotgun instead. Ai ends up stuffed in between Sousuke and Rei as punishment for being the smallest. Ai leans just slightly into his side and Sousuke hates his shoulder for throbbing at the pressure of Ai's head grazing it gently.

He manages to hold his cringe until the first bump rocks the car, Ai sits up as Sousuke as soon as he feels it but doesn't quite cover his own tiny gasp of pain. He meets Ai's questioning glance and they both frown; he knows Ai can feel the hard fabric of the brace through his shirt. He gives a rolling shrug of his shoulders like he's trying to prove how little it hurts. The slight narrowing of Ai's gaze tells Sousuke that he didn't really succeed, but Ai gives him a slow smile anyways.

"Let me take a look at it later," his voice is nearly soft enough to get lost in the pop music pounding from the stereo, Nagisa singing along even louder. Sousuke blinks before nodding slowly in agreement. He can tell Ai is covering something of his own but doesn't immediately ask about it, just notes the small cringes he gives when they hit bumps, the way his cheek is pinched between his teeth.

 

Moving Ai's stuff is, predictably, a hell Sousuke finds himself wishing that he never signed up for. It only gets hotter as they start carrying boxes up the stairs to the apartment he and Rei are sharing-- already half furnished and decorated with stuff that presumably belongs to Rei (and Nagisa, from the looks of it). It isn't a bad place; two bedrooms and a kitchen with plants already trying to grow in the window and an air conditioner rumbling in grave irritation at being awoken to try and cool the open living room area. They end up with a pile of boxes stacked in the empty bedroom that Ai swears up and down he'll unpack later when Sousuke eyes them dubiously.

Rei coaxes Nagisa off to his own room, the door clicking dryly shut behind them and Ai gives Makoto a hug in thanks, it's returned with all the warmth that Makoto seems to radiate without even trying and he looks at Sousuke with his mouth tipped into an easy smile. "You've yet to prove you can out lift me you know."

It's playful and easy and it makes Sousuke laugh because even trying to talk shit Makoto sounds like a concerned parent. He shakes his head, crossing his arms and grinning in response, trying to echo the sharpness he's so used to getting from Rin. "I guess I'll have to get back on schedule."

He can't out lift Makoto-- not anymore, and they both know it, but instead Makoto laughs and squeezes his good shoulder before mumbling to Ai that he'll tell Haru-chan he said hi and making his way out with a smile. Ai nudges the door shut with his foot before striding across the room to flop dramatically on the floor under the air conditioner, sighing out long and hard, squeezing his eyes closed. "I hate moving."

Sousuke laughs, sitting just far enough away that his hands don't itch with the temptation to reach out and touch Ai. It's easy to give in because from the people he surrounds himself with, it's obvious that Ai's friendships don't lack that kind of affection. But Sousuke doesn't want to burn those memories into himself, to give his pining more color and shape. There's an inexact muddle of reasons in his head to describe exactly why he's not allowed to have this in his life and watching Ai's chest gently rise and fall, the exact angle he's chosen to lay at making his shirt creep over the angle of his hipbones and the pale flesh of his stomach, they're harder than they should be to pull to mind.

Apparently satisfied by the air blowing over him Ai leans up on his elbows, nodding at Sousuke's shoulder and cocking his head to the side. "Want me to rub it for you?"

It would be a strange question from anyone else, really. But sometime during their coaching sessions Ai had decided that he needed to be able to repay Sousuke back somehow and had taught himself massage techniques that did manage to loosen his muscle most of the time. He hesitates for a single heartbeat at the offer before shrugging and pulling his shirt off, unstrapping the brace with practiced ease. Ai stares at the darkening of his shoulder with a frown, sitting up all the way and almost concealing the way he favors one side. Sousuke frowns in return, dropping his shirt in his lap and rolling his shoulders experimentally, digging his fingers hard into the rumple of fabric to prevent his face from changing at the surprising dig of pain all the way to his bone.

Ai shuffles across the wood floor towards him, ending up on his knees at Sousuke's side, heels pressed against his thighs, fingers digging sharp points of pain into his shoulder that make Sousuke grunt and see stars for a brief moment before he starts moving them. Sousuke doesn't comment on where it hurts and Ai doesn't apologize when a press of his thumb or scrape of blunt nails on his skin makes Sousuke cringe. They're both quiet until Sousuke's muscle seems to unwind all at once; it still hurts, but with the dull pressure he's more used to rather than the pain that tries to eat its way down to his core. Ai leans back and cocks his head, smiling. "Better?"

"Yeah," he agrees, rolling it and making no effort to pull his shirt on right away. The air conditioner is ancient and its moderately cooler without the fabric sticking to his skin. Instead he nods at Ai, pushing fingers back through his own hair. "What's wrong with you?"

"Ah," Ai frowns, moving to press his fingers at his side and cringing before they even make it to actually touching. He lifts the hem of his shirt and there's a mottling of bruises along the curve of his side-- blotchy and dark. Sousuke's stomach clenches in on itself and he stares dumbly until Ai lets the fabric drop with a weak shrug. "It's just a bruised rib, really. I'll be fine before our practices start."

Sousuke opens his mouth to say something but Ai looks back up at him and beams as if bruised ribs just happen out of the blue, picking himself off the floor carefully and lifting Sousuke's shirt to drop it on his head with a soft laugh. "I owe you food, right?"

"Ai--" he frowns, looking up at him and raising an eyebrow. He doesn't have words picked out for what he wants to say and Ai freezes up like he's about to step into a trap and Sousuke loses his nerve.

He pulls the shirt over his head with a grunt, picking himself up as well and leaving the brace laying on the couch. He hates wearing it any time that he won't be practically dying without it, even if Ai gives him a slightly dubious look. He ignores it this time, just like he ignores their hands bumping together on the way out the door.

 

Food turns out to be at a tiny cafe painted all in cheery colors with a messy chalkboard with specials scrawled across it. Sousuke doesn't quite frown at the decor but he does feel out of place in the small steel chair that he ends up sitting in, his forearms taking up more than half the table. Ai takes one look at him and giggles, settling into the seat and fitting perfectly within its edges. "It's like someone stuck you in a dollhouse."

"Does that make you a doll?" He shoots back, frowning even though his tone eases to playful without his permission. Ai giggles again, shaking his head and leaning back in the seat, tongue peeking out of his mouth.

"That makes me the size that humans are supposed to be," he teases without missing a beat. When the waitress finally makes her way over Sousuke's leaning across the table to ruffle Ai's hair out of place aggressively, a determined look in his face as Ai tries and fails to bat his hand away. "S-Sousuke-senpai!"

"You shouldn't tease giants," he admonishes, dropping his hand and taking the menu without sparing a thought to the surprised look the waitress is giving him as he grins at Ai. The latter puffs his cheeks out in a pout, taking his and immediately setting it down in favor of trying to fix his hair back into place. Sousuke can't help but laugh again at the expression on his face, shaking his head. "Very sensitive creatures, you know."

"Well, then of course I take it back," Ai huffs, sounding laughably far from being apologetic for it. The meal itself, when they order it, is nice and Sousuke finds it easier and easier to settle into letting Ai make him laugh, smiling into his sandwich and listening to him talk more than he actually contributes himself.

When he walks Ai back to the apartment their hands brush together, and even if he doesn't reach out and slot their fingers together, it's nice regardless. Ai pauses, leaning one of his shoulders on the doorframe and looking up at Sousuke with the smile that makes his stomach feel light and his skin feel too small for his body. There's a beat of hesitation, a moment where Sousuke could take advantage of the way his face is turned upwards and just kiss him. He doesn't, and instead Ai continues to smile and says; "Thanks for the help, I'll see you around, yeah?"

Sousuke nods and gets all the way home before realizing that his shoulder brace is still laying on Ai's couch.

* * *

Sousuke himself isn't a crier. By this point in his life he expects to be better at dealing with it, since Rin's first instinct when confronted with any moderately emotional situation is to break down into blubbering tears, but he tries to avoid making his best friend cry; in large part because he never really caught the hang of being comforting.

Regardless of his actual skills though, opening his door up in the middle of the night while struggling to pull a shirt over his head and finding Ai staring at him with tear-filled eyes is incredibly jarring. He must spend ten seconds just staring while Ai sniffles and tries to act like this is the most normal thing in the world, pasting a watery smile to his face.

It makes him look worse if anything; his lip is split and the smile makes blood bubble up to the surface and there's a dark bruise on his cheek and tears are still leaking out of the corners of his eyes and Sousuke still doesn't say anything because his brain has gone blank, white, static filled, and Ai shifts slightly. “C-can I come in?”

He nods, thoughts still sliding sideways out of reach but shifts to let Ai in, elbowing the door shut. It's as far as they get before Ai turns, knotting his fingers in the fabric of Sousuke's shirt and tugging them close together. His face presses into Sousuke's chest and a heavy sob cracks past his ribs and it's almost painfully nostalgic to have Ai grip onto him and cry and he feels no more prepared than he did the last time.

This time though, prepared or not, he slowly bundles his arms around Ai's shoulders, rocks his weight slightly back and forth and doesn't ask any questions. Ai feels even smaller against him while he cries, rubbing one hand up and down his back, feeling the bumps in his spine and trying not to picture Ai sitting on a train all the way to his apartment with a bloody mouth trying to hold back his tears. He's mumbling small words against Sousuke's shirt, mostly apologies that Sousuke ignores in favor of rubbing his thumb along the back of Ai's neck slowly, back and forth.

He doesn't complain about the amount of time it takes for Ai's sobbing to subside into a series of shuddering breaths, for him to gently pull his head back and shake it, rubbing at his eyes. "S-sorry."

"It's fine. You should sit down," he nods at the couch and tugs the now tear-stained shirt over his head and tosses it to the side, narrowly missing the chair he was actually aiming for and deciding he doesn't care enough to do anything more about it. He lets Ai finish rubbing the last tears out of his face, dropping to sit next to him and frowning slightly. "What's going on?"

Maybe it's the kind of thing that Ai would like to avoid talking about, Sousuke guesses from the way his face twists away from smiling and he tugs slightly at his bangs to try and block his face a little. But he figures him showing up in the middle of the night beaten-up and sobbing entitles Sousuke to some kind of answers. After a moment of stubbornly avoiding Sousuke's gaze Ai sighs so hard it seems like he might deflate entirely and float away, pushing his hair out of his face and shifting to staring at Sousuke straight to center.

"My parents went through my phone while I was doing laundry and found out that I'm gay," he sounds-- Sousuke isn't sure of the tone. Defeated, weary, sad; things he's not entirely used to from Ai's voice. He pauses and when Sousuke doesn't say anything he shakes his head sharply, barking out a single note of hard laughter, humorless. "They weren't very happy about it."

This is the part that Sousuke doesn't know how to do, and his brain feels empty, like as a child he never learned to speak any language and is left as an adult totally unable to communicate. "Oh."

"I should've gone back to the apartment I guess, it's just-- Rei-kun doesn't know about this stuff and I know Rin-senpai told you," he shakes his head again, closing his eyes tightly and clenching his hands into fists, letting his head drop so his chin is touching his sternum, exhaling; "Fuck."

"Are you--" he stops, because it's pretty goddamn obvious that Ai isn't okay, by any stretch. Instead he shakes his head and tries again. "You didn't want them to know."

"They're not very accepting people," Ai glances up and shakes his head slowly, he hesitates but seems surprised when Sousuke nods his head evenly.

"I haven't told anybody except Rin and his family," he blinks as Ai's eyes go wide in shock but shrugs his shoulders, glancing away. "They wouldn't be mad-- I don't think. But, I figured I've already been enough of a disappointment already."

"You're not--" Ai shakes his head, pitching forward suddenly and laying his hands on either side of Sousuke's cheeks, forcing them back to meeting eyes, frowning. "They shouldn't be disappointed in you."

The proximity is a surprise and his mouth drops open slightly. He almost wants to laugh, because it's so painfully obvious that whatever Ai has on his plate is a huge problem and here he is staring Sousuke straight in the eyes and trying to make him feel better. He doesn't have the heart to argue with him in the face of that, couldn't anyways because his mouth has gone so dry that his tongue is glued to the roof of his mouth. Ai must take his silence as a disagreement because he frowns a little more, fingers curling slightly tighter around Sousuke's cheeks. "You're not."

It's the stupidest moment in the world to kiss someone. Sousuke does it anyways. Both their mouths are slightly open and he can taste metal on Ai's lips from where it was bleeding and he's so soft that it barely feels like kissing at all. Ai doesn't move away, instead his hands slide from Sousuke's face to wrapping around his neck. Sousuke doesn't push, doesn't spill their tongues together or slide his mouth over Ai's neck; he just enjoys the warm touch of Ai's lips, squeezes his eyes closed and rests one hand at the dip of his back.

Ai is apparently not as patient as he is; his tongue paints over Sousuke's lower lip and chases when his mouth opens slightly further, shuffling forward on the couch until he's straddling Sousuke's lap and nipping at his lower lip. It isn't more than a small pinch of teeth but it makes Sousuke groan anyway, sliding his hand under the hem of Ai's shirt to rub the soft skin underneath. Ai grins slightly when he pulls back, arms still around Sousuke's neck, fingers stroking up through the hair at the back of his head. "Is it okay if I borrow your bed again? I'll let you use it too."

He laughs, unable to help himself because it's so stupid. He slides his hands under Ai's thighs and holds him when he stands up, ignoring the grim protest of his shoulder. The bedroom isn't far enough away for it to be a huge deal and Ai just hugs tighter and kisses Sousuke's cheek instead. He rolls his eyes, setting Ai on the edge of the bed and ducking away from his arms, doing his best to look stern. "Just sleeping."

Ai nods and laughs softly, wiggling out of his jeans but leaving his shirt on. Sousuke watches him crawl and wiggle himself under the blankets with a small happy noise, looking up at Sousuke expectantly. "Sleeping is what I'm looking for."

Sousuke nods, sliding in next to him and putting up no argument when Ai immediately wiggles into his arms, tangling their legs together and resting his head on Sousuke's shoulder, one hand tracing the angles of Sousuke's face in a way that would make him blush if it weren't so dark in the room. He waits until Ai is done finding the most comfortable spot before tightening his arms, pressing a kiss to his forehead. It's a long moment before Ai says anything, voice thin like spun glass. "Can-- you not tell Rin-senpai about... all of this?"

“Sure,” he responds, not asking what specifically Ai means. It twinges slightly in his awareness that Ai might not want Rin knowing about-- whatever this is; because kissing on Sousuke's couch doesn't make them anything more concrete than what they were before. He's trying his best not to attach anything to this when Ai shoves at his chest, eyes still peacefully closed.

“You're brooding too loud. If I tell him my parents are pissed off he's gonna get all-- Rin-senpai about it,” Ai huffs a tired laugh, creaking his eyes open and shrugging his thin shoulders before closing them again. “I don't care if you tell him we're dating.”

He opens his mouth to argue then snaps it closed with a small smile, watching Ai drift off to sleep instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: back to puppies


End file.
